It seems that people are really scared of being "high maintenance" and selfish.
It feels wrong to put your desires first.
It seems like being selfish and unapologetic about what you desire would make you a bad person.
It would mean you're egotistical.
Oxford Languages does define selfishness in this way: "(of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure."
And I agree - being a person who LACKS consideration for others and is ONLY concerned for her own pleasure isn't exactly the type of person I want to be.
So what could we call a woman who PRIORITIZES her profit and pleasure, is UNAPOLOGETIC about her desires, AND IN TURN is able to fill up her cup first SO THAT she can genuinely, whole-heartedly consider other people?
Well, I personally call it being "lovingly selfish"!
I find that the fear of being selfish and high maintenance is one that plagues women more than men.
Because we were long ago taught to hide.
Be of service to men.
Not be a b*tch.
But it is freaking TIME for us to collectively break out of those boxes and shells - it's time to stop tiptoeing around what you honestly want!!
And this applies to small and big things...
It is OKAY to want alone time.
It is OKAY to want a million dollars!
You are ALLOWED to want your coffee with almond milk (yes, send it back if the barista messed it up).
You are ALLOWED to want a wildly passionate, forever kind of relationship!
It is BEAUTIFUL to want the pink shirt instead of the blue one.
It is BEAUTIFUL to want to be famous in your field!
None of it is "too much".
None of it is "wrong".
None of it is "high maintenance" or "difficult".
And all of it empowers you to be lovingly selfish - put yourself first so that you can be filled up, overflowing, and READY to genuinely give to others.
I know that you will be lovingly selfish - and not plain old selfish - because you're still reading this.
And that shows that you have a genuine heart.
You're a loving person.
You want to help others.
(That's why I'm never surprised when I see that 28% of my Food Freedom Collective clients are in professions that involve healthcare, teaching, counseling, and caring for others.)
So please take this as your permission slip to be lovingly selfish today. No need to explain yourself. No need to justify. Just DO exactly as your heart is desiring you to do.
And then watch as you more easily, effortlessly, and willingly care for others around you!
If you're ready to put yourself first and HEAL your relationship with food and your body, invest 70 minutes of your time to watch my free masterclass training!